Ultimate Parenting Wisdom

I must admit, I don't have any.

I'm not an idiot and occasionally I make the right decision.  Well, hmmm.... occasionally I make good decisions.  I don't know what my good vs. bad decision ratio is, but I think I'm on the right track most of the time.

Parenting is hard.  Sometimes it's good to take other's input or advice and sometimes it's just better not to listen to anyone.  Just tell them to "shove it" when they have an opinion.  You know?  Just fuck off, will you?

Anyway, then there's the school.  There are teachers, counselors, administrators and other educational staff.  They work there (at the school, for the district, whatever) and they see the work that your child does and they can make recommendations on what your child needs based on what they see.  Now this could be helpful and this could not...

I'm a "go with the flow" kind of person.  There must be a REASON why my child is slated to go to this particular school, so why try to change it?  What if I have him transferred from this particular school to the one that his friends' parents have decided to send them to and then he has a terrible experience?  Is it because I went against the laws of the Universe?  Is it a sin to change schools simply to keep him with his friends?

What if my daughter asks to be put into a higher math class than her teacher recommends? I, as the parent, am the Ultimate Authority and have the power to override the teacher's recommendation.  It's a process.  You need to jump through a few hoops, explain to a few people WHY you want it to happen, get told by those people that you may be making a GRAVE mistake, that there is a reason WHY the teacher MAKES these recommendations, but if you are willing to TAKE ON that responsibility, then BY ALL MEANS override the teacher's recommendation.

Yeah, fuck you.  Give me the damn form so I can move her into the class that gives her a sense of self-worth.  And stop offering classes that don't challenge students.  Expect more, teach them to expect more, set the bar so that they can reach for something rather than become bottom dwellers.  People don't always perform to their capabilities, but they typically will perform to the expectations that have been communicated to them.

Coffee, anyone?

 Coffee... Ahhhhh...
Coffee first thing in the morning, coffee for an afternoon pick me up, coffee with dessert at night... Is there ever a bad time for coffee?  Absolutely NOT!  Oh shoot, let me rethink that.  Right before a marathon or half marathon, not such good time for coffee, unless you have time to use the 'facilities' before your run (please don't make me explain).

And look!  Coffee as art!  Coffee with milk, coffee with half and half, coffee with foam (yay! love this kind), coffee with chocolate (another favorite~mocha), teeny tiny cups of coffee (espresso), bold coffee, mild coffee, a whole damn pot of coffee or just a single cup of coffee.


Coffee with friends, coffee alone, coffee in Starbucks, coffee at home, coffee at work...

The wonderful smell of coffee!  Iced coffee!  Hot coffee!  OH MY GOD I JUST LOVE COFFEE!!!

And, I think I've had a few too many cups....

Nah... one more cup of COFFEE!  Hooray!!!

and maybe some cheesecake. Yum.

Enjoy the moments

So, it's late at night and I'm thinking... Hmmm... I should blog about something.  I'm running in the morning, so I should blog tonight so that I don't have to try and fit time in to blog and run before I go to work.  Sounds like a plan, doesn't it?

But, as luck would have it, BOTH  of my children are still awake (Did I say it's "late at night"?).  My very s-l-o-w computer finally booted up and I am ready to blog.  AND my daughter has decided to sit on the desk (that the computer is on) and paint her toenails on the chair (that I would be sitting on).

My son is also in the room, watching her paint her toenails in amazement (well, maybe not in amazement).  They are both happy and talking to me.  I mention (a few times) that it is really late and they should get some sleep.  It's a school night.  And... no... they didn't listen (no comments on my mom skills here, please).

My daughter pulls out a book that she got for her birthday to share with me.  It's called Creative Cursing and it has two stacks of cards sitting side by side in it that you can flip in order to come up with creative cursing phrases.  Would you like an example?  How about "nipple fucker".  First card shows the word "nipple" and second card shows "fucker".  Yeah, nice eh?  These are the kinds of books that my children find amuzing. Great.

And then the conversation goes to other gross things that kids just love to talk about and I learn what a "blue waffle" is...  and I'll warn you now, it's NOT pretty (and I wouldn't suggest looking it up either. You won't recover). 

So... Obviously, my kiddies finally did make it to bed.  I did get to blog.  And because of them, I had something to blog about!  I also got to see their smiles, hear their laughter, hug them lots and learn about what they're talking about at school (which is really gross...).

Enjoy the moments.  Even if it delays blogging or your bedtime...  It's so worth it.

Ha! I'm sober

Thirty days with no drinking!  Ha!  Feels really good, actually.

I could go to an AA meeting, say I am an alcoholic and get my thirty day chip.  BUT, there's no reason for that...let's just celebrate together - with a drink...  No, no, no... I'm kidding.  I am.

A great replacement for the beer on those "beer and pizza" nights, that I've found, is sparkling mineral water.  I love it and the carbonation makes you feel like you're having a beer (well, it works for me).  There is one drawback, I must tell you... Drink a couple of these babies and you might get some serious gas. So, warn your loved ones!  OR  don't.  Might be more funny if you don't...

It's a journey.  It's not always easy looking at yourself, looking at your life and making changes that you sometimes fear will take the fun or freedom out of your existence.  But I must say, I am still having fun and having the freedom to choose to make changes is absolutely awesome.

So, I hope you join me by celebrating whatever goal you have recently accomplished.  Enjoy the journey.  It's one hell of a ride...

I gave up my dildo for lent

What?  I'm sorry... WHAT?

I'm not even sure where our conversation was going prior to her admission, but when she said it, it nearly stopped me in my tracks (we were out running at the time).

Now, I'm not a very religious person.  Well, strike that.  I'm not a practicing Christian.  I do believe in God. And I have never given anything up for lent.  In fact, I had to google it to make sure I really understood what it was.  I read online that it is a "period of fasting, repentance, moderation and spiritual discipline."

OK.  Well, I run... so fasting isn't too realistic.  Repentance - yeah, not crazy about this word - sounds like guilt to me.  Moderation and spiritual discipline - these two things I "get".  So, giving something up for lent would be an act of spiritual discipline.  I could see giving up alcohol, chocolate, caffeine, or sugary foods, but I'd like to think that anything having to do with a dildo would fall under the category of moderation rather than spiritual discipline.

Here's my logic.  There are just certain things in life that I would put into the category of "self care".  Getting enough sleep, regular showers, exercise, and meditation are all fine examples of  self care.  I happened to read online yesterday that there are analgesic benefits from experiencing orgasm.  Obviously, the benefits from using a dildo also fall into the category of self care (OBVIOUSLY).

Self care is not something that you give up for lent.  Should you find that there is an obsessiveness or addictive quality to your self care (maybe you use your dildo a little too often?), by all means - practice moderation.

I must say that the conversations I have with friends while out running are quite entertaining and thought provoking.  This one was rather alarming.  I just want to make sure my friends (readers) all know how much I care.  Don't put your dildo away.  Take a break from coffee.  That's my advice.

It's not all about you

Sometimes, things bother me.  Sometimes when things bother me, I don't reach out to others.  I sit with my problems quietly. I get sad. I withdraw.

And then, sometimes, as a result, others withdraw from me.  They don't know how to deal with my "sad" or they personalize my actions and think that my withdrawal is a sign that I am harboring resentment or anger toward them.

Here's what I have to say about that, "It's just not all about you."  I can say it because I've been there - on both sides.

When someone withdraws, it's a sign that something is wrong.  You may or may not be part of the "something that is wrong", but there's no need to assume that you are.  There's no need to get angry or resentful in response to someone's actions, when the reason for their actions is unclear.

A great way to care for a person is to ask them, "what's wrong?"  Find out what is really going on.  Open your heart and your mind and give your spouse, friend, coworker some space to express themselves.  Don't be afraid to help someone that is hurting just because you think they might say something about how you played a part in it. 

Let go of the fear.  Make it about them.

It's NOT all about you.  And that's a good thing.

Honesty is a good thing

I learned a long time ago that it's not nice to attack someone's insecurities.  I took it even further and decided that it's not nice to point out things that others do or say that bother you.  I decided this for three reasons: a. The other person's feelings get hurt. b. It doesn't feel good to deliver bad news and c. It's possible that they will come back at you with anger or something negative and I don't handle negativity or anger well at all.

I am now learning that it is truly a gift to be honest with your friends and family about what you think and feel.  You give yourself a gift by speaking your mind and getting a chance to be heard.  You give your friends and family a gift because now they know what it is that is creating distance in your relationship.  They now have the opportunity to "do it differently" and also share their feelings with you.

I don't think of myself as a dishonest person, but I have been.  And now that I've chosen to be honest with myself about this fact, I can move on, grow personally and in my relationships, and - most importantly - I can share with my children so that they can learn from my mistakes instead of figuring it out on their own.

Honesty is hard.  Sometimes it hurts.  Sometimes it makes you want to look away and deny what is really true, but it really is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and others.

Just something that I'm learning... that I felt I needed to share.  Honestly.

Writer's block?

Can you believe it?  Five posts in and I've got writer's block.  Fuck.

Actually, it's not really writer's block, it's more like everything in my brain right now is SO DAMN DEPRESSING, why would I want to write about it?  And why in the hell would you want to read about it?

And look at my language?  Good God.  Here I am, posting to a blog with my spirit name as the signature and the blog address - RiverTreasure - while I type words like, well... you can see them in this post.  No need to write them again, eh?

In any case... crud, what was my point... (and no, I am not under the influence of anything...)  OH.  OK.  My point is... my point is that I have writer's block and I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  So, why even post this?  Well, because "it's my blog and I'll post if I want to" (can you hear the song?)... AND purely for your entertainment.  Because we all come up against these things once in a while, so it's nice to know that we're not alone (at least I like to know that I'm not alone).  So, here's me telling you that you're not alone. You're not alone if you're feeling depressed, experiencing writer's block or signing a very beautiful spiritual name to a blog that contains profanity.  I'm right with you... and glad to be there.

A voice of wisdom on the radio

I was listening to the radio and they were taking calls in response to a woman's request for advice.  Apparently, her fiance asked that she make a commitment not to drink during their marriage.  It didn't sound like this woman had a drinking problem, it sounded like her fiance had a problem with people who drink or simply didn't want alcohol to play any part in their marriage.  She wanted to know what other people might do in her situation.  Would they give up drinking for their life partner?

I expected the responses to be short and shallow.  I expected to hear, "You shouldn't have to give up anything for anyone else." or "You shouldn't go through with the marriage if he's already trying to control you."

Instead, what I heard was a woman who, even just replying to a random question on the radio, expressed honesty, sensitivity, genuine caring and what I believe to be great wisdom. She shared her own story of how her husband asked that she quit drinking.  She actually did stop drinking, but not for him, she stopped because she realized that she had a problem.  She said that she stopped drinking because it was a problem in her relationship, but that in doing so, she became aware that the alcohol was only the tip of the iceberg.  There were other problems and they ran deep through the relationship and in her life.  She pointed out that a request from your partner to stop drinking may unearth much more than just a drinking problem.  It may change the relationship completely or eventually end it.

How Stupid am I?

And so it happens...Sometimes crap just flies out of my mouth.

I have a teenage daughter.  It's challenging.  She challenges me.  Actually, to give credit where credit is due - she is the main reason for my growth - personally and emotionally.  But, growing isn't easy and it most definitely isn't constant.  Sometimes I step back into my own teenage shoes and go toe to toe with her on issues and that's what happened today.  She wants something.  I don't think she should have it (based upon my ultimate parenting wisdom). End of discussion, right?  After all, I am the parent.  I have spoken.

It doesn't normally happen that way.  Yeah, who am I kidding. I don't think it ever happens that way.  She fights me tooth and nail, I fight myself, I fight her back... and then something stupid happens.  I say to her, "When you have children you'll understand how difficult this is." She says to me, "Maybe I won't get married and have children."  And then, my ultimate parenting wisdom goes out the door and I say, "Good, because it's a terrible experience."

OH MY GOD.  What a stupid thing to say.  Um, back-up, reel the tape back in... erase, erase...whoops.

She runs out the door (after my ultimate parenting wisdom) crying...  Ugh.  Double ugh...

Thankfully, she ALWAYS has her cell phone with her.  I text her to come home.  I tell her she's not terrible, she's a blessing.  It's the arguing that's terrible.

I hear the front door open a few minutes later.  Sigh...  She's home.  Thank God.

"FUCK"

As someone new to the blogger scene, I must admit that I do worry about offending the sensibilities of my readers (the multitudes of them).  And, as luck would have it, I have friends (readers) that will tell me that they would like to read the whole truth, explitives and all.  So, here's to you, my wonderful friends... a "FUCK" posting.

I went to Starbucks to get my needs met this morning - caffiene and attention.  Two addictions that I have and will admit to.  Yes, in my mind, everyone in the Starbucks notices when I walk in.  They are all thinking about me - what I'm wearing, where I came from, where I'm going, what I do for a living... God I'm gorgeous... you know, the regular stuff.  And FUCK!  There were two people behind the counter and two people in the store.  Four fucking people.  I'm sorry, that just doesn't fill my needs.  So much so that I actually told the cashier, "This is where I get my people watching needs met and this just doesn't do it for me."  She chuckled and looked at me like I was a little nuts - oh, and gave me my coffee.  At least I got the caffiene I went in for. Fuck (what I mumbled under my breath after getting in the car).

Girlfriends

 I've been in primary relationship with one man, my husband, for more than half of my life.  In the early days of our relationship, he was my everything.  I didn't have time or make time for anyone else in my life.  If he was available, I wanted to be with him.  When we had children, then he and they were my all.  I felt guilty if I took time away from our family.  I felt like no other relationships mattered the way that ours did. 

I now have something that I would have never imagined possible.  I have girlfriends.  I have girlfriends that love me unconditionally.  I have girlfriends that I have known for years and some that I've just recently come to know and they are amazing.  I have found a deeper understanding with my girlfriends, a deeper trust than I have ever known before in my life.

Girlfriends Rock.

Have another drink...

I drank so much that as we were leaving the restaurant, I whispered to my husband who was rushing ahead of me, "hey, um... you need to hold my arm to lead me out of here.  I can't walk straight."  He held me tight to his side, walked me carefully down the stairs and scooped me into the car.  I laid down for most of the ride home, but sat up at one point because my head was spinning so bad, I thought I might just puke.  There I was, hanging my head out the window in the cool night air... mouth open, drooling... waiting for the puke to come.  So attractive.  It didn't happen.  The spinning did eventually stop - kind of miraculous, really, how my body handled the abuse.