It's something I have to repeatedly work on. It's amazing how difficult it is to be honest. There can be so much fear of what will happen, what someone will think, what someone will do or how they will react if I tell them the truth.
Will they leave me? Will they judge me? Will they hate me? Will they get others to hate me? Will it hurt them?
The interesting thing is that none of us can predict the future, but when we decide to be dishonest, we are actually assuming that we can.
Think about it.
The reason why you don't tell the truth is because of what you perceive the outcome will be. So, obviously, you think that the result to sharing the truth, to being honest, is a negative one. Something that will hurt you or someone else. And so you try to act like God and control the outcome.
I'm working on it. I'm hoping that God can help me. Because if you could see the inner workings of my mind and how I dance around telling the truth sometimes to avoid pain, well... It's just nuts.
So, I'm giving you the advice that I give myself. Don't lie.
Don't do it (talking to myself - helps to repeat it).
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
The difference between men and women
I received a text. It was a question and it was from a man. "What size do you wear?"
A complicated question, really. And I had to answer it in a text, so I needed to make sure to keep my wording precise and to the point. I wasn't really worried about judgment about my size... well, I take that back... there was a part of me that wanted to go with the smaller size... I mean, it depends on the store, right?
So, my answer went something like this:
"Well, I usually wear a medium on both top and bottom, but it depends on if I am shopping in the women's department or the junior's department. I prefer to shop in the junior's department. I could wear a small top in the women's department, but I would have to go medium or large in the junior's department, depending on the type of top. As far as bottoms, I believe I'm usually like a size 6 or 7 in the women's department but that could be a 9 or 11 in jeans from the juniors department."
His response:
"So, medium is good?"
My response:
"yes." And the feeling that I had just gone waaay overboard in explaining something to someone who could only handle a one word answer.
I hope it (whatever it is) fits.
A complicated question, really. And I had to answer it in a text, so I needed to make sure to keep my wording precise and to the point. I wasn't really worried about judgment about my size... well, I take that back... there was a part of me that wanted to go with the smaller size... I mean, it depends on the store, right?
So, my answer went something like this:
"Well, I usually wear a medium on both top and bottom, but it depends on if I am shopping in the women's department or the junior's department. I prefer to shop in the junior's department. I could wear a small top in the women's department, but I would have to go medium or large in the junior's department, depending on the type of top. As far as bottoms, I believe I'm usually like a size 6 or 7 in the women's department but that could be a 9 or 11 in jeans from the juniors department."
His response:
"So, medium is good?"
My response:
"yes." And the feeling that I had just gone waaay overboard in explaining something to someone who could only handle a one word answer.
I hope it (whatever it is) fits.
Friday, January 20, 2012
2012 is going to be a good year
How can the year not start off great when the last blog of 2011 is titled, "Vagina"?
What body part shall we start this year off with? Perhaps something a little more benign, like "foot" or something... I mean, start from the bottom and move on up for the year? That sounds great! A new beginning, starting with my feet firm on the ground for 2012, taking each step by putting one foot in front of the other. Ahh... sounds grand. Start simple, move forward, love what is, look forward to what will be, leave the past behind, enjoy the present, dance a little, run and play... Yes. Sounds great. And my feet are up to the task. They have been scrubbed, moisturized, nails clipped (those that aren't missing) and are properly cared for in the right shoes for the right activity. And, of course, they get some time off at home to walk around naked... oh, well, I guess that would be "barefoot" (not naked, geez...where is my mind).
So! I look forward to what this year brings! What it has already brought! Feet planted firmly on the ground. Let's move!
What body part shall we start this year off with? Perhaps something a little more benign, like "foot" or something... I mean, start from the bottom and move on up for the year? That sounds great! A new beginning, starting with my feet firm on the ground for 2012, taking each step by putting one foot in front of the other. Ahh... sounds grand. Start simple, move forward, love what is, look forward to what will be, leave the past behind, enjoy the present, dance a little, run and play... Yes. Sounds great. And my feet are up to the task. They have been scrubbed, moisturized, nails clipped (those that aren't missing) and are properly cared for in the right shoes for the right activity. And, of course, they get some time off at home to walk around naked... oh, well, I guess that would be "barefoot" (not naked, geez...where is my mind).
So! I look forward to what this year brings! What it has already brought! Feet planted firmly on the ground. Let's move!
Friday, October 21, 2011
VAGINA
A vagina post. Every blog needs one...
I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend and she was telling me about how taking hormones (Estrogen, I think?) can help with depression and other premenstrual symptoms. She explained that the best way to take the hormones is not orally, but to put them where they can do the most good. We actually had this conversation twice. The first conversation was over the phone. The second was via email. She explained how she was using Estrogen cream and applying it in her Vagina.
I don't know what came over me. I read the email and saw the word "vagina" and got the giggles. I was a 41 year old turned 12. I was thinking, "did she really type the word v-a-g-i-n-a?" Hahaha... VAGINA. Haha... Ha.
Yes, I completely lost it. So I had to let her know. I replied to her email and told her how I had a hard time noticing anything in her email besides the word "vagina". I reverted to a pre-teen state and lost all sense of maturity... Haha... Vagina...
The next day came around and I hadn't checked my email. I hadn't really thought of our email conversation at all. I was "over" my immaturity spell and was moving on. The hormone conversation had completely left my mind and then, right about lunch time, I received a text on my phone.
I non-chalantly checked my phone and saw who the text was from so opened it right away. There was only one word in the text message:
"VAGINA"
I started laughing so hard I damn near started rolling on the floor. Who knew that the female body part could bring such joy to a 41 year old woman? Wait a minute... actually, THAT didn't sound right... Hmmm....
Hey! Psst!! "vagina"
HAhaHAhaHAhaha...ha. :-)
I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend and she was telling me about how taking hormones (Estrogen, I think?) can help with depression and other premenstrual symptoms. She explained that the best way to take the hormones is not orally, but to put them where they can do the most good. We actually had this conversation twice. The first conversation was over the phone. The second was via email. She explained how she was using Estrogen cream and applying it in her Vagina.
I don't know what came over me. I read the email and saw the word "vagina" and got the giggles. I was a 41 year old turned 12. I was thinking, "did she really type the word v-a-g-i-n-a?" Hahaha... VAGINA. Haha... Ha.
Yes, I completely lost it. So I had to let her know. I replied to her email and told her how I had a hard time noticing anything in her email besides the word "vagina". I reverted to a pre-teen state and lost all sense of maturity... Haha... Vagina...
The next day came around and I hadn't checked my email. I hadn't really thought of our email conversation at all. I was "over" my immaturity spell and was moving on. The hormone conversation had completely left my mind and then, right about lunch time, I received a text on my phone.
I non-chalantly checked my phone and saw who the text was from so opened it right away. There was only one word in the text message:
"VAGINA"
I started laughing so hard I damn near started rolling on the floor. Who knew that the female body part could bring such joy to a 41 year old woman? Wait a minute... actually, THAT didn't sound right... Hmmm....
Hey! Psst!! "vagina"
HAhaHAhaHAhaha...ha. :-)
Monday, October 3, 2011
What I want
I want to be free.
I want to be free from that feeling of anxiety or guilt that I get all too often.
I want to take action and move forward.
I want to face my fears head on and show them who's boss.
I want to have compassion and forgiveness for myself and others.
I want to feel acceptance of those things that are out of my control.
I want to be aware of my addictive tendencies so that they cannot control me.
I don't want to be perfect, but I want to be perfectly me.
I want to experience the world around me and not be locked in the world that exists in my head.
I want to be an example to others of how to live freely.
I want to feel love in its purest form.
I want to take advantage of each and every day.
I want to hear my friend's stories and participate in their lives.
I want to show my children how great life can be. Every day.
I want to be free so I'm choosing it now.
I want to be free from that feeling of anxiety or guilt that I get all too often.
I want to take action and move forward.
I want to face my fears head on and show them who's boss.
I want to have compassion and forgiveness for myself and others.
I want to feel acceptance of those things that are out of my control.
I want to be aware of my addictive tendencies so that they cannot control me.
I don't want to be perfect, but I want to be perfectly me.
I want to experience the world around me and not be locked in the world that exists in my head.
I want to be an example to others of how to live freely.
I want to feel love in its purest form.
I want to take advantage of each and every day.
I want to hear my friend's stories and participate in their lives.
I want to show my children how great life can be. Every day.
I want to be free so I'm choosing it now.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thank you - Sara Bareilles - for saying how I feel
"Uncharted"
No words
My tears won't make any room for 'em, oh
And it don't hurt
Like anything I've ever felt before
This is no broken heart
No familiar scars
This territory goes uncharted
Just me
In a room sunk down in a house in a town
And I don't breathe
Though I never meant to let it get away from me
Now I have too much to hold
Everybody has to get their hands on gold
And I want uncharted
Stuck under the ceiling
I made, I can't help the feeling I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
Each day
I'm countin' up the minutes 'til I get alone
'Cause I can't stay
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault
But I'm so low
Never knew so much I didn't know
Oh, everything is uncharted
I know I'm getting nowhere
When I only sit and stare like I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
Jump start my kaleidoscope heart
I love to watch the colors fade
They may not make sense
But they sure as hell made me
I won't go as a passenger, no
Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down
I'll take in flame over burning out
Compare
Where you are to where you wanna be
And you'll get nowhere
I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
No words
My tears won't make any room for 'em, oh
And it don't hurt
Like anything I've ever felt before
This is no broken heart
No familiar scars
This territory goes uncharted
Just me
In a room sunk down in a house in a town
And I don't breathe
Though I never meant to let it get away from me
Now I have too much to hold
Everybody has to get their hands on gold
And I want uncharted
Stuck under the ceiling
I made, I can't help the feeling I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
Each day
I'm countin' up the minutes 'til I get alone
'Cause I can't stay
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault
But I'm so low
Never knew so much I didn't know
Oh, everything is uncharted
I know I'm getting nowhere
When I only sit and stare like I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
Jump start my kaleidoscope heart
I love to watch the colors fade
They may not make sense
But they sure as hell made me
I won't go as a passenger, no
Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down
I'll take in flame over burning out
Compare
Where you are to where you wanna be
And you'll get nowhere
I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
I'm going down
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around
Like you'll show me where to go
I'm already out
Of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how
To get started
It's all uncharted
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Inspiration
I need it. I need it bad! Not the kind of inspiration that you get from someone or something else... the kind that bubbles up inside of you and points you in the right direction, tells you where to go.
It's the answer to the question, "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?" It doesn't have to be a complete answer, but a "start here", "aim in this direction", "go forward", "just do it!"...kind of answer.
I've heard it before, felt it... but it doesn't always stick... Maybe that's because I'm ignoring it or putting it aside and focusing on things that are distractions, side roads...
Dear God,
Please help me clear my mind and be open to a wonderful future filled with inspiration, joy, excitement and LIFE. I'm ready. Help me stay ready.
Thank you, God.
Amen.
Inspiration. Breathe it in...Life is good.
It's the answer to the question, "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?" It doesn't have to be a complete answer, but a "start here", "aim in this direction", "go forward", "just do it!"...kind of answer.
I've heard it before, felt it... but it doesn't always stick... Maybe that's because I'm ignoring it or putting it aside and focusing on things that are distractions, side roads...
Dear God,
Please help me clear my mind and be open to a wonderful future filled with inspiration, joy, excitement and LIFE. I'm ready. Help me stay ready.
Thank you, God.
Amen.
Inspiration. Breathe it in...Life is good.
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